In the News(papers)

"If it's supposed to feel like this... Then why does it feel like this?" as I ask myself, the tears steadily streaming down my face, looking over my knees and into the dark despair known as my backyard. As I twist the large rock of a ring on my finger that He gave to me, the uncomfortable pit in my stomach, reminding me of my unfortunate fate. To marry Him, can only be described as torture. I do not love the "man", I could never love the "man". To even title Him a man is unacceptable. He's a rodent, a disgrace, a burden, an incompatible idiot whom has stuck his nose so far up in the air that I am shocked he has yet to catch a deadly disease. I’m sad to admit that I hope for this deadly disease to be sucked up into his immune system, and put his body out of its misery. He has changed me, and not for the better.

“Carrington how’s your soup?” “Great Father, thank you.” Looking back down at the untouched soup, I’m torn. I want to eat, I need to eat and keep my strength to fight the serpent I refuse to recognize as my fiancé, but I cannot bring myself to even touch the spoon. I want to die. I want to escape his grasp once and for all. Starving myself is not how I would like things to go, but I never seem to have a choice in my life anyways. I could run away, but he would find me. To kill him myself isn’t possible, he has no weaknesses. He is as sharp as a tack and always on guard. I feel sorry for the man, but he has done this to himself. Feeling his hand slide from my knee to mid-thigh, underneath the tablecloth, déjà vu takes over. I remember the other nights that these same actions took place, and I know how I will be spending the rest of this night. And I am frightened. I only wish could experience a true love with a man, and not Him. But my parents would never allow it. I am in Hell.